May the words flow ever in your favor. Happy writing

1

The stars of the beautiful night sky shown down their lights above. Each of those tiny spotlights was so mesmerizing, so alluring. How many of the stars up there had a life-supporting planet or two to call their own? Some of those pinpricks of light were actually their own galaxies, holding thousands of thousands, maybe even millions upon millions, of stars. The universe was so humungous, with so many places to escape to. So, then, why did I feel so small?

Aiden was yelling at me. I did not have to read his lips; he was telling me to run. Amir was too, but he was further ahead of us. I knew I should be moving, but I could not take my eyes away. My knees almost buckled forward, but I kept my feet under me. I just wanted to stare at the stars in amazement, in wonder. Maybe that way we could leave all our troubles behind.

A hand was on my arm. Gripping me with the force of a rocket’s take-off, that hand nearly yanked my arm out of its socket. There was Aiden pulling at me, trying to get me to run. He wanted us to get out of here, to survive. But then what? We had no future here. Against my will, I was being pulled away. Away from the stars, and off towards an uncertain oblivion. I sent my eyes back up.

“Stars.” I whispered aloud, still staring up at them. I did not look to see if Aiden had heard me. Even in this chaos, I wanted to go up to those distant stars. I could picture myself lifting up Amir and Aiden, pulling them up there with me. We would soar through the cosmos with the force of will. Or maybe with a stolen starship, if Aiden could acquire one. That was a pleasant thought: escaping in the luxury of a starship.

My feet were scrambling to keep up. Aiden was succeeding in pulling me, just not as fast as I could have run on my own. I knew he was screaming in my ears, but there was no point; we both knew I could not hear his words. But that did not keep him from trying.

I blinked, and the sky was ablaze. Our stars were being blocked out by an inferno, a colossal cloud of burning fuel. The bright orange was billowing up in a cloud-like shape, hiding our stars from us, taking our stars away! There was light in the explosion, and black, competing for space against the orange. The colors were feuding, fighting against each other in the sky, in combat displaying the chaos of our world. It was this chaos that was keeping us from our stars, from our escape! But, even so, my eyes were glued to it. The explosion began to die down. The earth started shaking: a warning. My feet almost fell out from under me.

They even sought to take away our stars. Finally, I pulled my eyes away. Aiden had a cut on his cheek; I could see the blood running from it. Was he in pain? He really was screaming at me. I could read his lips: Run! He was still screaming at me to run.

Amir was beyond him. He was jumping up and down, waving his arms about in the air. I could see the urgency on his face, even as the air began to sting my eyes. Particles of dust and debris were floating, coloring the air. It was like the dirt was rising up, spreading itself around to mimic and mock the stars in the galaxies. The grey of the world around us was so bleak, so devoid of possibilities. Why did the Pyrrh even want it?

My lungs were starting to burn.

Grabbing Aiden’s hand, I began to run on my own. I could feel that we were picking up speed, sprinting across this desolate antique industrial zone. We would reach Amir, regardless of what happened after then. If only we could all just disappear to the stars. I had to hold onto that thought: escape. It was our only hope.

There was a door behind Amir, old and grey just like the rest of this place. The burning of my lungs was too much; I had to give up on breathing. As soon as we were safe, I would take in air again. Until then, my adrenaline would just have to make up for it. The bursts of pain had started among the burning of my lungs, like little, tiny, bursting supernovas. It was like the galaxies were exploding inside me, even more forceful than the inferno in the sky. Some were imploding, sending shockwaves through the rest of me. Aiden and Amir must be in pain too. Aiden was starting to weaken – my hand was beginning to pull him.

Amir had the door open. He was already through, clutching at his lung with his other hand. I could see his blue bracelets. Just a few more steps to go. We were so close. I grabbed on tighter to Aiden.

Just one more leap.

I kicked off from the ground, propelling us through the air. We went shoulders first, desperately praying to make the distance in through that door. I could not let Aiden die! The tiled floor scraped against my side, pulling at my belt. I could feel my exposed skin trying to catch on it as we collided. But there was no time! I was lifting myself up, desperate to keep going. This time, it was my turn to pull up Aiden, helping him stand as I did. Amir threw himself back at the door behind us, forcing it shut by putting his weight into it. He was only maybe one hundred twenty pounds, but his desperation was enough to force it.

Into darkness we fell.

Deep, gulping breaths. We all stood there, in the dark. Just breathing for a bit. Aiden was hanging onto my shoulder; I could feel his weight there. His lungs were gulping for air, his ribs awkwardly jutting in against my skin. Right then, I could feel him: his pulse was racing against mine. I blinked, and the darkness spun a bit.

Air!

            The burning in my lungs had dissipated, but I could still feel it: something was wrong with the air here. We were all breathing; we should be recovering, not watching the darkness spin. We needed cleaner air. That was the only solution I could find: the air was contaminated. My brain was fuzzing; I was getting dizzy, unsure how well I was standing upright. I had to act, to do something. Was I starting to smell crushed garlic? Spaghetti sauce?

The Pyrrh do not need to breathe.

“Air!” I forced the spoken word out of me, crushing my abs and sending pain into me in the process. It was like taking an uppercut to the gut; I had to blink for a moment, trying to save what little food I had had today. I remembered reasonably well how to say that word aloud. I lost my hearing around twelve or thirteen, so I could not hear my own voice. But maybe Amir or Aiden understood me. There had appeared some lights behind Amir. Desperately, I tried to sign the word, wondering if he could see me. Air!

Outside was a no-go; I could still feel the convulsions of the earth between my feet. It felt like the ground itself was writhing about in agony! Aiden fell more onto my shoulder, putting even more of his weight onto me. The fogginess in my brain was getting worse, even as I was trying to think. Amir was at some panels on the wall, pushing buttons. I could see his outline in between me and the lights, with his little hands darting about, hitting everything he could. Sometimes mashing buttons can be a lifesaver, right?

Ow! In one sudden moment, the air was forced out of me. I fell over, with Aiden’s weight entirely on me. I was trying to breathe, but no air seemed to come. I could not let Aiden die, but I could not tell if he was still conscious. My head landed on my arm, making the darkness spin even more. In a daze, I watched all the little lights circle us. Wait, when had those lights appeared? Last time the world spun, I could not see so many of them. Was this a trap set by the Pyrrh? They looked almost like a myriad of stars. Hopefully Amir was still mashing buttons.

I blinked, feeling that the floor was gone. My right hand grabbed onto Aiden. In that moment, we were both weightless, falling. Frantically, I moved my other hand around, trying to find something, anything, to hold onto. My blood was rushing through my veins; my body was screaming at me to find some way out. I could not see enough to know where Amir was. But the lights were gone.

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Note: It’s Always a Dark Topic was the name of my portfolio in creative writing in high school. My writing style has since improved, but I’m still proud of the pieces I’ve put on my site. Looking back, I can see the beginnings of my style, but also some of the mistakes I used to make a lot. Overall, though, I am still proud of these, mostly because I greatly enjoyed writing them at the time. Enjoy

The light flickered strangely for a moment, before shining brightly. The white light forced the inhabitants of the large chamber to waken. As strangely deformed blood-red creatures, their shapes resembled those of large, upright lizards. Slowly, they circled the one remaining sleeping being. She was obviously human as she slept upon their sacrificial author. One of the lizard-like creatures draped a purple blanket over the alter and the sleeping human, while the others began to chant. It was a strange guttural and mysterious chant with lower notes that rose and fell without rhythm. Yet, still the human slept.

Serenity is what they had called her. When she was younger, she had wandered into their midst after her parents had left her. They had abandoned her and left her there to die, yet the lizard-like creatures had raised her to serve their own purpose.

Often they forced her into sleep, as she was now. Even after raising her, the lizard-like beings felt no emotion towards her. None had bonded with her, and none had enjoyed being in her presence. Now, she had finally reached the proper age for their ceremonies.

While she slept, Serenity was happiest. It was in her dreams that she finally embraced her parents and they finally loved her. Her dreams had become a blissful escape from the harsh reality.

Her parents slowly removed themselves from the embrace. Confused, Serenity waited as a look of sadness entered her mother’s eyes. “All is gone. All can never be,” her mother said. Serenity reached towards her parents, yet they vanished.

Suddenly, a chilling scream of pure agony sounded in the chamber. Unable to complete their ceremony, the lizard-like creatures silently acknowledged defeat. In an orderly and organized way, they left the chamber. The locks clicked in the doors behind them, yet they never looked back. Now, it was their turn to leave her there to die. No regrets and no feeling towards her. Not even one of the creatures ever thought of her again.

[I had to retype this one. It was hard not to edit it.]

• I was a little late with the Thursday update last week, so I made a post dedicated to the Nimbles in the Balance of Souls world descript. There’s been a lot of work drama and family stuff lately. After this update (which I’m counting as March 22 and March 29), I’ll switch the posts / update schedule to either every other week or once every three weeks. I’ve been having too much to deal with lately to maintain a weekly schedule.
• Current Will to Speak wordcount: 9,449. I have plotted all of day one, most of day two, the absolute end, and pieces of day three. Significant portions were cut out when I went through that plotwork, so I probably cut out around 6,000 words of earlier writing that just didn’t fit anymore. My first editing pass over what I have so far is complete and the project is ready for a reprint.
• I have a cover image in mind for Will to Speak. This one’s a photo, so the process will be more like when I made Y’s cover. I’ll still edit the image a bit (to remove any logos if necessary and fit it in format), but overall it should be easier since the bulk of the work for it will be in the staging of the original image, not the digital editing. My current idea is a set of headphones (or my dad’s older headset, if he still has it) over a cleared wooden area on a cluttered desk. But I’ll create multiple images and several variations before I decide for sure.
• I have made several minor tweaks and fixes to the Balance of Souls world descript (in addition to adding the Nimbles post). For example, I added geargrind as an insult to time point three.
• In retrospect is finally done and has been posted. You don’t see that one on the main feed on the homepage because I was filling in a placeholder post. Several [bracketed] posts on the blog and extras pages are placeholders for future posts. Overall, they’re at various stages of completion. For example, the self-publishing post is outlined. For another example, the FotNS post is just a good idea I want to write out eventually.
• Remember that chess post I mentioned a few weeks ago? It’s outlined. Maybe I’ll do a post at some point about my writing process. I do a hybrid between typed and handwritten, so it actually sounds more complicated than it is.
• Camp NaNo begins April 1st! I’ve set mine for 80 hours. Even if I don’t make that count, it is a useful way to track how productive I am for the month. I’ll be working mostly on my current main project (Will to Speak).
• Update on Into the Unknown: I intend to publish my next book in April. I’m just waiting on one more beta reader to get back to me. Then it’ll only take me a few days to go through her comments, do the copyright, finish formatting the cover, and publish it. The summary is only partially written, but I always find that to be the most difficult part. I have the main cover image almost complete. However, I’m still concerned about my inability to find a sensitivity reader for this one. I did do a lot of research (I do tend to obsess, but I’ll admit I have been known to overdetail and overthink when I really research something), so I figure it’ll all work out. I know, probably not the best way to look at things, but that’s essentially how I have to look at it at this point. I do think I did well in the research that I did.
• My grandfather passed away a week ago. We’re just glad he’s not in pain anymore.

Note from the future: I still have not found a sensitivity reader for ItU. However, an interpreter I know has agreed to beta read. Also, the next blog post will be filling in a placeholder post [here], and ItU’s official publishing date is now June 4, 2018. I moved the publishing date to give my betas more time.

Nimbles are basically a hybrid between a human and the Pyrrh. The humans think they’re human, albeit with Pyrrh tech visibly integrated into their bodies. They’re called ‘Nimbles’ because of their propensity for agile movements and flight. Most Nimbles are children, and it is odd to see one speak a human language. It is rare to hear one speak at all, but a Nimble speaking in a way a human can understand is not unheard of. The Nimbles speak to each other through a type of visual language that involves finger motions.

For the most part, humans do grant Nimbles access to human spaces (such as shelters and inner zones), but Nimbles do face resistance. Many humans question their humanity, argue that they should be denied resources, and openly demand their allegiance. Nimbles are not spies, but they have no way to communicate that well.

They can communicate with the Pyrrh, but also only on a very basic level. Pyrrh do not harm Nimbles since they tend to perceive them as curiosities instead of potential threats (think how a person might perceive a beautiful bird). Jewelry is common among Nimbles since they tend to adore trinkets. They also love to decorate their own bodies. If you give one a container of paint they will paint their skin in intricate patterns. Most are forced to wear more bland clothes because of what they can access in the time, but they will lean towards brighter colors if given an option. Their eyes are especially drawn to patterns, whether complex or simple. Nimbles can communicate especially well with other Nimbles. Their language is mostly non-verbal, relying heavily on emotional expression, patterns, visual cues (like eye direction and attention), and their own unique signing (it looks to the human eye like a quick finger motion, almost like finger flicking). A Nimble will usually only use their signing with another Nimble.

In modern human terms, Nimbles tend to be roughly agender, genderqueer, or non-binary. They only tend to reveal their own understandings of genders when amoung other Nimbles. Humans do not usually notice this since Nimbles do not choose to communicate it to humans. But they do communicate it when interacting with Pyrrh.

(To clarify: Nimbles are not deaf. ASL and equivalents still exist for the deaf community. Nimble signing is its own language.)

I sketched a few:

Empaths do exist in humans. They are known to exist by time point three, but actually exist through all the time points. For example, Emalyn in Will to Speak is an empath. They read other being’s emotions phenomenally well, even if they are reading another species. Yes, this also applies to cats.

Empaths will also be very strongly impacted by the emotions of a space. They will often pick up on the vibe or feeling of an area and absorb it as their own. They’ll oftentimes also pull other’s emotions in in the same manner. It should be noted that this can be dangerous, since an empath can be overwhelmed by the strength of the emotions around them.

It is unknown if empaths exist among Nimbles.

I’ve plotted more of Will to Speak! I have all of day 1 plotted, along with significant portions of days 2 and 3. Day 1 is entirely outlined (that’s also where most of the substance writing so far is). Technically I haven’t written out the outline to days 2 and 3 yet, but I want to allow some space still for randoms and scenes I have yet to plan out. A noticeable portion of day 3’s plot is still missing, but I do have the ultimate ending planned out already. I would include an updated word count here, but I probably have a few thousand words handwritten that I still need to type. (Randoms by the way are part of my organizational system while writing. They’re basically random scenes I decided to write out with at least one of the main characters. Sometimes I find a place for them and sometimes they end up as an extra on my site. If I see a particular trend in my randoms I might intentionally incorporate that trend into the overall plot depending on how it serves the story itself.)

I’ve added time bounty hunters and Time’s Doomsday Book. They’re in the language of time point three post under the Balance of Souls world descript. A hunter’s use of a Nimble will set in motion parts of the plot of day 2. However, my own day appears to be testing Murphy’s law, otherwise I would type out more about what I want to do with these concepts in WtS. Maybe I’ll make a post some day about my own writing process.

Remember that second cover I made for Victim? I’m still not satisfied with the earlier one (for reasons I explained in last week’s update), but I’ve decided to keep the current cover for now. The other image I made has been filed away on my computer so it might serve as a base for a later project.

Also, I’m wondering if I’m becoming a bit of a workaholic. That’s not necessarily a bad thing, especially since I am still establishing myself as a writer. However, I do recognize the need for balance. Breaks are also necessary, including mental ones. I’ve hit burnout way too many times in the past, so I recognize the danger of pushing myself too hard for too long. Well, here’s my solution: painting! I really enjoy painting as a hobby, but I haven’t done that much of it in a while. This weekend I picked up a few canvases and my dad helped me rig a makeshift easel in the garage. It’s made out of scrap wood and a clap, but will serve its purpose. I’ve already painted the background (a light magenta gradient). For the center, I’m thinking I’ll make a dark blue butterfly. I’m going to end up working on this at 3am when I’m too tired to write, aren’t I? That’s how this usually goes for me, but that’s just part of the fun of it.

Happy writing! (And painting!)

The Nimbles paragraph is complete and has been added to the Balance of Souls world descript (you can find it under language of time point three [here]). I have made some good progress on Will to Speak, but not as much as I would like to have made this past week. I can probably blame my time fighting sickness for that.

I’m still not satisfied with Victim’s current cover. I’ve made a few other possible cover images, but I’m not satisfied with those either. I’ve been asking people who are familiar with the story for their opinions on them, but I keep getting told they like the current cover the best. My main issue with it is probably that I couldn’t get the chains to fall naturally (I’m not perfect with paintshop). The coloring also feels a bit bland in retrospect, but it’s hard to convey darker melancholy. For now, I’ve filed the other cover images in a folder on my computer, so maybe they’ll resurface later as a base for another work. I’ll probably get a few more opinions before settling on a decision. Right now it looks like I’ll be keeping the current cover.

I’ve been invited to be one of the authors speaking at a local author event in VA beach at the beginning of April. I intended to attend the other one tonight (just so I know roughly how things will go next month), but my cysts have had a rough day. I did technically have a table at another local author event back in November, but that one barely had any foot traffic. Both events are free for me to attend, so they can at least be good for gaining experience, learning marketing, and figuring out that mythical ‘networking’ (I’m not getting started on that rant here).

Will next Thursday be a regular post or another update? I have a partial draft for two regular posts, but I might not get to them by then. I intend to prioritize Will to Speak, so my blog posts are more like a persistent side project right now. I’ve been considering switching the schedule to every other Thursday instead, but I’ll figure that out later.

I feel like I should be further than I am. I understand that it does take a while to get going, but it’s still frustrating. Happy writing.

• Will to Speak has an official post! You can find it [here].
• I’m unsatisfied with Victim’s current cover, so I’ve been sketching out a potential new one. I think I can keep my reviews on amazon if I change it? Hopefully.
• I’ve been thinking about adding a new type of being to The Balance of Souls time point three. They’re called ‘Nimbles’ because of their propensity for agile movement and flight. Essentially, I’m thinking of making them human-like hybrids between the humans and the Pyrrh (“We think they’re human, but they have Pyrrh tech integrated into their bodies.”). Most common will probably be children, but it will be rare to hear one speak.
• There’s a free event at the public library Saturday that I’ll be attending. It’s the writer’s edition of the small business start-up. I don’t have enough details to know what all exactly they’ll cover, but I’m hoping to get some insights on marketing. Yeah, I know I need to work on that.
• Someone gave Victim a five star review on amazon!

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Genre: Sci-fi

Pages: 268

Word count: 63,723

Publishing date: April 22, 2020

Summary:

GT isn’t content with the hand he’s been dealt in life. But he has a dream: to hear his own voice on the radio. Things aren’t quite going his way when he finds himself on a long and lonely walk. It turns out that a mysterious stranger has plans for him – he wants GT to replace him in the future. Once he is whisked away, trapped inside a rocketing time machine, GT must learn to cope with the extreme uncertainty. Could this be a positive twist of fate? He gets presented with a decimated humanity and a beautiful Emalyn. (TW: panic attacks, verbal abuse)

Sum it up in one sentence:

A frustrated teen gets kidnapped and sent to a dystopian future where they struggle to adapt and find their voice.

Author’s note: Yes, GT is non-binary. He uses they/them or he/him pronouns. Please be respectful of that. (Also, yes, this author (sometimes) loves Isekai anime.)

About:

So, where to start with this one? Well, it was originally a short story I wrote for creative writing at college. Although that was about an ungendered character named Alex who entered a fantastical artificial future instead of a dystopian one. They were still taken against their will and mistaken for the chosen one. Later, I decided to rewrite it and expand on the story for a camp NaNo project. Then it was G and Natsume (two mains), but I kind of lost Natsume later. Oops. He was accidentally written out since I wanted to focus in on G. The project got set to the side, until I returned to it more recently. Now it’s just GT, but I kept most of the same side characters including Gen, Lily, and Matteo. You can see pieces of the rewriting process scattered through some of my Thursday updates if you’re interested. Yes, most of what I’m doing with it now is still a rewrite off the camp NaNo version.

That original short story is the first time I wrote an ungendered character. I wasn’t even aware of non-binary or agender as an option yet. It just happens that there was no good way to introduce the character’s gender early in the story (because of limited interactions with other characters and a 1st person perspective). I didn’t want to make the type of later reveal that frustrates me. So, I made a conscious effort not to gender the character and to mix gendered language. I did not even assign a gender to Alex since I didn’t want it to clutter my understanding of the character. GT, however, is canonically non-binary, unlike Alex who was just ungendered. Someday I’ll write a post about writing ungendered characters and link it here. Will to Speak is its own story, but it did grow out of that original one. If I can dig up the original I’ll add it to the extras page someday.

As for the title, I love the ambiguity of the term will. It also has a fascinating etymology. For example, in Victorian England, will was one of the many words for penis. No, that’s not the way I’m using it in the title. Yes, I know there’s a dominant interpretation in our modern era. But you’ll notice some historically-displaced phrases that resurface in the language of the book (specifically with Matteo and Emalyn in time point three).

GT’s song? Incubus Pardon Me [can be found on youtube here]

GT’s secondary song? Shinedown Second Chance [can be found on youtube here]

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#indieapril 2022’s promo tweets:

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Original cover (the one I designed myself):

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